Life, or something like it

It was my birthday last week. I turned 29. The day was incredible. I was surrounded by so much love. I get it, you’re supposed to feel that much love on your birthday. The gifts, the messages, the calls and the people who take you by surprise. The day started so perfectly, I was woken up by gorgeous messages, I walked into work with gifts awaiting for me and balloons at my desk, I was taken to lunch at my favourite cafe, I received calls from my family, and I had an extraordinary dinner with my best friend and brother. I was beyond grateful and was blessed by the amounts of love I was welcomed with. But one thing was noticeably missing for me. There was someone who hadn’t contacted me to wish me happy birthday.

Now, call this an overreaction if you will, and I would love to get another perspective on this, but if someone does not contact you on your birthday, is that actually sending a very clear message to you? But before you answer, when I say contact I do not mean a Facebook post. You see, a Facebook post to me is sending a happy birthday to someone you’re not that close with and probably do not have their number. So what is the level of expectation here?

Basically, my night ended with me being disappointed. OK, I sound silly now when I reflect on this, but there was a level of expectation when this person who cares for you should be acknowledging your birthday directly to you. I have been their support through some of their recent life changes and seem to be on call for when they need guidance. For the first time since my therapy I am actually feeling really hurt by the lack of effort this person made. A person who i truly care for. I guess the key word I used was expectation. But is it really an unrealistic one when basic strangers post happy birthday on my wall and yet so did they when my birthday was nearly over…..

The disappointment carried on the next day but then I reflected on the day I had. I was surrounded by people who love me, who made such an effort, who want me in their life and want me to know I mean something to them. I had family, friends, and potential relationship offers (that’s another story) that made me feel so special however I was dwelling on this hurt. Why?! It was apparent to me that I needed to re-examine my thoughts. I needed to let go of what was stealing my happiness.

This lack of effort was actually a chosen action. As soon as I realised that, my concept of the situation changed. Of course I would love to tell them how I noticed it, but what will that achieve? At the end of the day knowing how I feel isn’t going to change anything for them. I acknowledge that I am not built to just not care anymore. At the end of the day, people need to want to make the effort, and also see how they are impacting people. I need to be understanding of their thoughts not being the same as mine.

They say to live each day as if it was your last, because one day it will be. I cannot express enough how much that has meant to me the past week. Instead of thinking about what I cannot control and trying to sort my whole life out I am just trying to ensure there is something good coming out of each day. Life is about balance. It is about passion and faith. It is about making mistakes and taking risks. My birthday (week) has opened my eyes to remembering who is bringing out my happiness, who is inspiring me, who is supporting me and love me. These beautiful souls are the people embracing me to create a life I deserve, because when it really comes down to it, I know how good of a person I am and how lucky people are to have my love but it’s to be earned.

XX

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